Currently, many of our projects are classified, as we work mostly with private-sector companies and defense industry contractors, often using any number of closely-guarded trade secrets. However, some of our projects have received enough public funding that we are legally obligated to list those projects here.
Compound MT47B103 (“MT-FLO”)
Referred to simply as “MT-FLO,” this remarkable chemical substance could revolutionize the way we clean up oil spills, dispose of toxic waste, and even make nuclear coolant water reusable and fit for human consumption by FDA and EPA standards*. MT-FLO is so safe, in fact, that it was recently government-approved for human safety testing in Micronesia and Papua New Guinea.
Research into MT-FLO began after the Gulf oil spill, after some liberal environmental watchdogs made the bogus claim that the oil cleanup chemical Corexit, which WIT helped develop in 1998, is “toxic” and harms oil cleanup workers. Despite strong evidence to the contrary, WIT was commissioned in October 2012 by BP, Halliburton, and funding from the United States government to develop MT-FLO as an eco-friendly, human-safe alternative to Corexit.
Today, MT-FLO meets all of the requirements for the human and environmental safety standards of both BP and Halliburton, and is nearly prepared to clear its final hurdles with the EPA, who unjustly failed our product after testing on lab rats caused alleged “mutations.”
Compound GMO2447NU (“GM New-U”)
Most of us look in the mirror and feel upset with our appearance from time to time. Wouldn’t it be great if you could take one pill and make your aesthetic, physical appearance better in only a matter of a few days? GM New-U will make that dream into a reality in the near future!
Working closely with pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithCline, cosmetics leader Lancome, and GMO innovators at Monsanto, WIT has developed a revolutionary pill which, if taken daily, can actually change your body at the genetic level, letting you naturally shed weight, grow muscle mass, regrow lost hair… even lose unsightly pimples and warts! GM New-U will make patients look and feel better than they’ve ever felt before**.
This product probably sounds too good to be true, but trust us, it’s coming your way soon! Using GMO (Genetically Modified Organism) science, WIT was able to show staggeringly impressive and consistent results with some of our volunteer human test subjects, most of whom are Hollywood celebs, including Michael Jackson, Gary Busey, Tara Reid, and Charlie Sheen.
The “E-Condom”
When WIT started to tackle the reinvention of the condom in 2012, we recognized three key facts, reflected in our initial polling data: (1) most men hate wearing condoms, (2) men primarily wear condoms to avoid unwanted impregnations, and (3) men would gladly reuse condoms if they felt it was safe, to avoid both the added costs and the embarrassment of going to convenience stores and asking for them.
It was these factors that led to our invention of “The E-Condom.” This small electronic device clips onto the scrotum with no pain or discomfort, and emits pulses of electricity directly into and through your balls which both disorient and slow the swim speed of your semen, rendering you 100% infertile while wearing the device, while allowing you to still enjoy powerful, pleasurable ejaculations.
The E-Condom does not affect the transmission of sexually-transmitted diseases, but if you and your partner are both fully tested for STD’s, why not wear a condom that’s fully washable and reusable, has zero impact on feeling, and has no risk of breaking or clogging up the toilet?
And while WIT waits for FDA approval, we’re still improving on our designs. A Bluetooth emitter could allow you to share your conquests on Facebook or Twitter during and after your sexual activity, while we’re also considering a tryptophan-emitter, which can make women drowsy after intercourse, allowing you to roll over and take a nap like you want to, rather than having to stay up for an hour talking about your feelings, or Katherine Heigl movies, or whatever other nonsense your significant other feels like boring you with.
* Pending changes and/ or removals to/ of government regulations
** Side effects recorded during human testing include, but are not limited to, bloating, gaseousness, diarrhea, violent coughing, cotton-mouth, restless leg syndrome, constipation, severe genital itchiness, dizziness, impaired vision and hearing, sleep loss, suicidal thoughts, vomiting, sudden short term memory loss, minor long term memory loss, burning sensations in breasts and/ or testicles, gout, panic attacks, violent erections, loss of consciousness, bad breath, lower back pain, and even death (in some rare cases).