Attempt To Clone Jesus Underway


source: wikimedia commons – 2014

Despite strenuous objections from religious leaders and many people of faith from around the world, the Wyoming Institute of Technology plans on pushing forward with its controversial attempts to clone the reputed “Son of God”, Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

The genesis of the project started in 2012 when scientists at W.I.T. we’re contracted by the Vatican to aid in developing methods to preserve some of the churches most holy and potentially delicate relics. In the course of cataloging the relics scientists from W.I.T. became highly interested in the reputed “Lance of Longinus”: the spear used to pierce Jesus’ side by a Roman centurion as he hung crucified upon the cross. Small samples taken from the remnants of decorative tassels surrounding the head of the spear and wood from its haft were initially meant to aid in better understanding the precise preservation techniques needed. But an intrepid and curious researcher at W.I.T.’S applied sciences laboratory took it upon himself to attempt to extract and sequence DNA from the samples. Thanks to remarkable advances in genetic sequencing made over the last several years he was successful in isolating and extracting the DNA of what may very well be Jesus of Nazareth.

This DNA is unmistakably human, but does posses several small differences that have never before been seen. Several genes are present in the DNA extracted from the spear that do not exist in any other human, and their function is completely unknown. Scientists at W.I.T. feel that it is necessary to make a human clone utilizing this DNA so that observational data can be gathered regarding these new genetic markers.

Unfortunately the cloning of humans is currently prohibited by most nations of the world including the United States of America. But W.I.T. is excited to note that an agreement was made last December with the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea to host this potentially ground breaking project. An initial test batch of five embryonic clones has been created and are currently developing in host mothers. If they remain viable birth should occur no later than April of 2015.

The superstition surrounding this project has led to many threats of violence against researchers and workers at W.I.T’s facilities over the last three months. W.I.T. remains committed to morally guided, ethical based research- no matter what the cost. We will continue to function with the highest regard for human life and push for the advancement of science and the species. This project is a glowing example of the possible potential of the White House’s 2013 science advancement funding initiative. Without Federal grants and funding this project, and many others like it, would be impossible to do.


  1. Hank

    August 15, 2014 at 1:20 am

    This is completely irresponsible! Why would these scientists risk all of humanity with their blasphemy?

    • tim tompson

      August 16, 2014 at 3:05 am

      Hi Hank. Go fuck yourself with a dildo,


      • jacob

        September 8, 2014 at 8:08 am

        Ok that was just inappropriate

  2. Leslie

    August 18, 2014 at 10:39 am

    This if true would be only ushering in another antichirst. This satirical article I pray does not come to fruition. There is a rumor that they have Nimrods body, “they” being I don’t know. Many believe he was the embodiment of satan, are you certain of the flesh you seek to resurrect?

  3. Tiffany Wynne

    September 1, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    I pray in Jesus’ name that your research does not bring forth anything. I pray for every single persons soul that is involved in the blaspehmy. Do you think for one minute the results, if any, you do produce will be good? Nothing will ever come close to Jesus because he is the one and only Jesus Christ our savior and Lord. Please stop what you are doing and pray tonight, give yourself to Jesus, there is a better way.

    • Please Try to Understand

      January 21, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Yeah, as I read this, it sounded like blasphemy. And yes, I pray this goes well. But, I think God will not be disturbed by it ONLY if we don’t worship it/them, that they are ONLY for observation and like-wise.

    • Levonne Gryder

      May 26, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      I agree TOTALLY with TIFFANY WYNNE
      In Jesus name AMEN!!

  4. cynful

    March 9, 2015 at 8:54 am

    I can tell my friends, but I they’d say I was crazy. Talk about your Antichrist! I can only presume none of the women were virgins. And which one of you scientist– excuse me — gods will be raising this child and instilling your morals, ethics and spiritualism to this …vessel? Its things like this that.. well…never mind I’d hate to get picked up for sedition. Let me just say this. You will know the number of the beast and his number is 666. For the number of man is 6. Of man 6; by man 6; for man 6.

  5. Joann

    March 21, 2015 at 8:16 am

    Yes, and the devil then possess this being and show many signs and wonders, as he can disguise himself as an angel of light….so are we surprised this is happening? I knew this is where it would lead to just as soon as they cloned that sheep—Mankind is bent on evil and destruction—-God is righteous in sending his Judgment. Come Lord Jesus…..

  6. Ralph

    April 12, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    Maybe they should mass produce Jesus’s and put them up against the Antichrist in a massive Preemptive strike against evil.

  7. guy smily

    April 16, 2015 at 9:02 am

    Will there be Buddha Clones too ?

  8. The Manichean

    May 8, 2015 at 11:32 pm

    I have prayed to God, and He has advised me that, since dominion over the earth was given to Satan, Jesus’s return would in actual fact mean consigning Him to one of the higher hells. Since He has been resurrected and returned to Heaven, He cannot be again condemned to this hell. Hence this blasphemous abomination will fail.

  9. Erold

    May 10, 2015 at 8:53 am

    I am curious since it’s May already. What happened with the clones.

  10. Levonne Gryder

    May 26, 2015 at 8:06 pm

    Ezekiel 12:2
    “Son of man, you are living among a rebellious people. They have eyes to see but do not see and ears to hear but do not hear, for they are a rebellious people.

  11. annunaki

    July 8, 2015 at 10:08 pm

    Jesus is the result of on of the annunaki having intercourse with a human that is why there are genes in his DNA not found in anyone else today, but i am still interested in what happened to the five clones.

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